The worst thing about being in love is knowing that while they may be perfect for you, you might not be perfect for them. You can joke and laugh, you can text them all day, but in the end, you’re never going to be their first choice. You’re the plan B for when things don’t work out with who they really love, but you love them too much to do anything but accept the fact that you’re not good enough.

Writing letters you have no intention of sending is very therapeutic. There’s so many in my drafts, I have no idea what I’d do if anyone stumbled across them. Guess they’d know how messed up my brain gets in the middle of the night. I think everyone is like that though, at least a little bit.

You start remembering all the things that used to make you happy, and now only make you wonder where everything went wrong. There’s always that one person on your mind that makes you wonder what if.

Thinking before sleep is a dangerous habit though, because you tend to dream about whatever was on your mind when you fell asleep. That may be good or bad, but for me, well, even the good dreams make me wake up feeling like shit because they’re not real. They’ll probably never be real. And that’s the very worst part.

Thank you. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for listening to me complain about stupid things. Thank you for holding me when we watch scary movies. Thank you for trying to stop Jake from hitting me that one time he got mad when I kicked him. Thanks for having perfect taste in music and movies and books. Thank you for putting up with me when I’m being annoying, which is often. Thank you for being that one kid who lived down the street that I used to play with. Thank you for growing up to have the exact same personality as me even though we grew up forty miles away from each other. Thank you for having an amazing sense of humor. Thank you for actually being able to have a serious conversation with me. Thank you for actually admitting that you cry sometimes.

But most of all, thank you for teaching me what it’s like to know exactly what you want and not being able to have it. Thank you for being so easy to fall for. Thank you for giving me hope that not all guys are the same. 

I would probably have more peace of mind if you two were officially together, because at least then I would know what the hell is going on.

I thought I could live in your arms, and spend every moment I had with you. Stay up all night with the stars, confess all the faith that I had in you. Too late, I’m sure and lonely. Another night, another dream wasted on you. Just be here now against me, you know the words, so sing along for me, baby.

It just sucks when you made a tumblr years ago to have a place to talk about your thoughts and feelings and then you have to make a new one to be able to actually express yourself without being judged by the people who know you in real life.

I’ve become the kind of girl that will have sex with you in hopes of you maybe developing feelings for me.

And I am oddly okay with this.